we're chasing vodka with high fives
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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