were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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