I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
