Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
