Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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