I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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