dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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