I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
