at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
