I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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