One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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