i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
