He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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