Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
