Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
