I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
