i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
