yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
