i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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