just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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