Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
