And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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