I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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