This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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