how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
