Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
