sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
