In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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