Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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