Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
