we have officially lost it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
