this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I want her autograph on my taint
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I enjoy the company of your penis
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
