I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
