my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
