Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
