well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
