either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
