Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
