i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
