I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dear god my vagina.
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