are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I have post one night stand depression
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