Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
