Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
