he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
