Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
