Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
