I want to stick my p in your. b.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
