Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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