so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize