He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
