look no pants
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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