i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
