In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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