I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I believe in your delicious
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
