I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yo dont text me then not text me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
