just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
