Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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