piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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