The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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