the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
