No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
