I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
