whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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