You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
