Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
