Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
