Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
