So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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