I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
how drunk are you?
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