Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
