you win again, gameday.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We need to get me chipped asap
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
