If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He keeps bees of course he's weird
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
