Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
