i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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