so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
