Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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