she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
