Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
