i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize