I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
