There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
