Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
