I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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