I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
babies were throwing up all over the place
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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