so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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