How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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