We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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