she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
pray to the hookup gods
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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