I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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