She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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