I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
