i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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