Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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