what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize