Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
