your parents love me but you hate me
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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